Wednesday, June 27, 2012

The Sex Lives of The Minuscule

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Oh no guys, it's that time of year again. The return of the fruit fly. I can't even begin to tell you how much I hate those lil buggers! Every year it's the same thing! Summer comes, and you think to yourself "oh yay, lets get some watermelon, have some sangria, and do all sorts of jovial summer activities!" Well watch out, cause every slice of watermelon, every sip of sangria, and every squirt of ketchup on your hotdog is just begging to be preyed upon by those insatiable fruit flies. It's always the same story, "Oh you cleaned your kitchen counters right after cooking? Well you missed a microscopic drop of juice so I'm gonna lay 6,000 eggs on it and take over your kitchen in a matter of hours." Or god forbid you have a few too many glasses of wine and go to bed without rinsing your glass! They'll have the run of the place before you even wake up! No seriously I'm not exaggerating. They are insatiable and their whole lives consist of eating your food and mating on it.




It's not a joke. Those lil dudes eat and have sex more than you can even imagine. Interestingly enough their courtship rituals look quite familiar. 




It starts innocently enough, a short dinner date on your fresh new banana where male courts female. This is followed by drinks at her place (i.e. the juice you spilled on the counter), and then comes the fun part! He warms her up with a little oral action and finally gets to home base when BAM, he's rejected. Sounds like your everyday dating ritual to me. I mean at least she doesn't eat him like some other species. Although to be honest I wish she would, cause lets not forget, this ritual is happening on my food! It would be nice if it ended there, but lucky for you guys I know what happens next. The female fruit flies are an easy bunch. They'll spend the next few hours doing the same thing with multiple other males, while saving the best till last since he'll be most likely to father the children. Considering the life span comparison it sounds eerily close to the dating life a human female. Date many men, save the best for last (i.e marriage).  


Anyways, my plan to cock block those lil jerks hasn't been going so well. You know the drill, fill a glass with juice, cover it with plastic wrap riddled with tiny holes, and they will enter and never return! Unfortunately I made one hole too big and have essentially been providing them with enough glucose to fuel their frequent romps in my food... Dear god, I have promoted a fruit fly orgy in my very kitchen. Ugh, did I mention I hate fruit flies with their easy females and horny male population? Greedy buggers.


Jessica


Note: Credit for the fruit fly mating behaviour photo to Pearson Education :)

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Humans Who Make Me Angry Vs. Animals Who Make Me Happy

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Hi all,

So lately I have been doing some pretty awesome work and I'm super happy about the whole thing. My days are spent with lil guys like this...



That's Kyle, he is the first lil squirrel I have had the pleasure of caring for :). Now I’m not gonna lie people have always told me working with animals is pointless. People figure if you’re not a vet it’s not worth it. To this day I'm told, “You realize there’s no money in it right?” Yeah I do, thanks. While I’m not naïve, and I realize that money can in fact buy a bit of happiness. I do feel that it’s not the most important thing, and if you do I’m quite certain you'll never be fully happy. With the ‘money matters most’ attitude no matter how much you make, it will never be enough. 

Lately some people have been asking, "what are your plans when you're done school/what are you goals in life/how much will you make when you're done" etc. Now to be completely honest I think the people grilling me like this feel their path is monumentally more important than mine. Which makes me laugh. I mean this is the type of person who feels they need to list all their accomplishments to me within the first 5 minutes I've met them. Believe me, no one cares that much, and dominating the conversation while trying to belittle others is not a good way to make friends. All I have to say is be careful. There's this thing called modesty that a lot of others possess, and you may in fact be making a fool of yourself by preaching to someone who knows better.

Point is, people need to stop judging those with different ideas/goals than their own. Money and status are not everything. I'm by no means a hippie, but money hungry status climbers make me nauseous. It just seems we're so quick to find differences in each other, or to prove that we're better or right. When in reality none of that shit even matters if you're not happy. 

So let me answer those questions that some people so desperately need answered in order to categorize me. 

1) What are your plans when you're done school?

- Get a job helping animals and the environment in a way that I feel will make a difference for both myself and future mini me's. Yes I do realize the government is making cuts in those areas, but I also know that with the right combination of confidence, education, and passion it's possible to get paid doing what I love. 

2) What are your goals in life?

- To stay happy and healthy


3) How much will you make when you're done?

- Probably not much, but definitely more than I need to get by. 

So go ahead and place me in whatever category is necessary to make you feel better about yourself, but know this. I am happy right now. I have an incredible guy who loves the shit out of me, two super cute fur babies, amazing friends, and the most recent addition: an incredible job. I spend my days doing something I truly love. Let's be honest, if you know me at all then you realize I kind of like animals better than people. There are a few human exceptions, but I assure you they are few and far between. Obviously this means that a summer filled with animals, especially baby ones, is pretty much my dream. Dream fulfilled. I've been lucky enough to spend my summer helping raise and release some awesome wildlife. So to lighten the mood after my mini rant  here are a few of the reasons my summer has been so great! 

                            Squirrel Burrito :)


Hugs!

Bebe Fox!

Ready to head out!

                                 My lil bunny

Hangin' out


Too cute for words


Disclaimer: No animals were harmed in the making of this blog. Despite the cages they are in fact getting ready to head back out where they belong. 

Jessica




Sunday, June 3, 2012

Sexy Summer Bod?

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Hey all,


So I'm not sure if you know, but I'm kinda getting old...



This comic is true, literally all my friends are getting married, having kids and *gasp* growing up. Ew. I'm still in school and don't have a real job. I hear when you turn 25 you have to start using anti-aging face creams, worrying about what you eat, and working out like a crazy person. Ugh. Sounds terrible.


I've been lucky so far in keeping my young looks, but last week I didn't get ID'ed at the liquor store.  Seriously, the woman didn't even think twice about it! Gasp, does that mean I look over 17 now?! How sad.


As a result of this depressing realization I have decided to start working out. I bought some weights, a pair of Lulu's and signed myself up for an 8-week workout program. I looked the part, so the rest was bound to be easy right? Not so much, all I have to say is "Dear god, why is working out so damn hard?" I am sooo out of shape. No seriously you guys, science tells me humans were built for endurance but if that's the case, I may not be human... It's so bad that I am forced to work out in my living room to avoid the embarrassment of my terrible ability to do ANY kind of work out.


Of course I am with the most athletic guy I have ever met. Run to the other end of the city? Bang out a few back flips? Continue with some bboy sets? No problem, he's all over that shit. I give myself 2 weeks to be at the same level. Should be a cinch!




JESSICA

Thursday, January 5, 2012

My Top 3

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Hey all,

So I rarely feel the need to write about serious things but am feeling inspired as things around me are changing at a rapid pace. I wanted to explore what got me to where I am, so I've decided to put together a top three life changing moments. There is gonna be a fair amount of sap in these next few paragraphs so if you are allergic to mushy feelings and nice things, click the back button now. Otherwise sit back and get to know me a bit more.

1) Car accident the summer of 2006.



Yup I was sitting right there on the passenger side. Lucky me, huh? I won't get into all the gory details of the injuries sustained, but lets just say I was broken. I don't actually remember the accident or even the next week or so, but the experience still had a major effect on my life. To this day I have problems with my knees, my hand, my lungs, and have major anxiety when driving in a car. The fact that it happened still makes me angry sometimes. I get mad when I think about the fact that I have been using my knee brace increasingly more often, and will most likely develop arthritis far before I should. I hate the fact that I haven't been able to drive a car once since I moved to Montreal and that I am the worst passenger in the world because of my anxiety. I hate that I have scars that won't go away. I hate that I don't have proper turnout in dance class because of the rods in my leg. And I fucking hate that I cant open a stupid jar of salsa.


There are lots of things that suck about that moment in my life, but I also think it's the main reason I am where I am today. It was this shitty circumstance that allowed me to move to Halifax with my best friend and have the best summer of my life! It was that summer that I met the most important person in my life today. Which leads me to number 2...


2) Meeting the love of my life


Now let me set the stage for some serious romance here...


There I was on the outskirts of the sticky nightclub dance floor, strobe lights flashing, smoke machines blowing, empty shot glasses to my right, and a new JT track pumping from the speakers. Suddenly I spot him, a brown haired hottie dancing with a bunch of girls. Girls I obviously felt did not deserve his attention seeing as I approached with this gem of a pick up line, "So I was just wondering when you were gonna dance with me?". God I was smooth, who could resist such a beautiful pick up line? Obviously not this guy. From what I'm told the night was just a blur of romance, deep conversation, and love at first sight. Or dance floor groping, make out sessions, and him buying my friend and I water without vodka. Same thing...


Okay so maybe the first meeting was a little more Jersey Shore than The Notebook, but since then its been all love and kittens. Honestly though, I couldn't be more lucky. This guy treats me like a princess and loves me in a way I only thought possible in the movies. I didn't know there were actually people as nice as this guy. I would never use the word perfect, because let's face it there really is no such thing. But damn does he come close! And those dimples... *Sigh*


I won't go all over the top lovey dovey on you all so I'll stop here.


But good god I love that boy.


3) Moving to Montreal




After a year of long distance I finally made the trek to Montreal to live with that cute boy with the dimples. How cliché eh? Girl meets boy, girl drops life and runs to be with boy. I'll have you know, I finished my degree and then move to be with him. Can you blame me though? Long distance is hard. Like really hard, but we made it work and since I came here things have been even better. Not only has my move to Montreal strengthened my relationship, but it has also changed me as a person. I am definitely not the same person I was 3 years ago when I first came here. I showed up in Montreal a small town girl terrified of everyone who lived here. The first time I went on the metro I was sure I was being followed. Although to this day I still believe that to be true! It was crazy to me that I could walk down the street without stopping to talk to at least three people I know. I never knew what language to speak because no one spoke the same one. I was scared to take the bus, and shopping was a terrible experience with far too many options and a terribly scary amount of people. I was a lost little girl.


Nevertheless I am now proud to say I have grown into a full blown city girl. I can navigate the public transit system like a pro, and now know that it's appropriate to put your headphones on and ignore every single person you pass. However, I am still true to my small town roots and am polite even when I don't need to be. Believe me you're allowed to be rude, sometimes it's even necessary! I mean I still complain about rude people, and pushing on the metro, but sometimes its just survival! Really.


What I like about living in Montreal is the culture. Let's be honest guys, everyone in P.E.I looks the same, and for the most part thats the way everyone likes it. I'm glad I've been able to see a new perspective on life, and really appreciate the way other people live. I've met people here from all over the world, heard countless languages, and have learned to love cuisine I didn't know even existed.


I'll always love P.E.I. The beaches, the seafood, the friendly people, my family, and of course the potatoes. However I am fine without the gossip, the rumours, the cold, and the teeny tiny mall! P.E.I will always be my home and will forever be the place I go to catch a cold, and drink too much. But without Montreal I wouldn't have incredible sushi, an amazing dance scene, and amazing new friends.




Jessica
Remember the name.