Wednesday, June 27, 2012

The Sex Lives of The Minuscule

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Oh no guys, it's that time of year again. The return of the fruit fly. I can't even begin to tell you how much I hate those lil buggers! Every year it's the same thing! Summer comes, and you think to yourself "oh yay, lets get some watermelon, have some sangria, and do all sorts of jovial summer activities!" Well watch out, cause every slice of watermelon, every sip of sangria, and every squirt of ketchup on your hotdog is just begging to be preyed upon by those insatiable fruit flies. It's always the same story, "Oh you cleaned your kitchen counters right after cooking? Well you missed a microscopic drop of juice so I'm gonna lay 6,000 eggs on it and take over your kitchen in a matter of hours." Or god forbid you have a few too many glasses of wine and go to bed without rinsing your glass! They'll have the run of the place before you even wake up! No seriously I'm not exaggerating. They are insatiable and their whole lives consist of eating your food and mating on it.




It's not a joke. Those lil dudes eat and have sex more than you can even imagine. Interestingly enough their courtship rituals look quite familiar. 




It starts innocently enough, a short dinner date on your fresh new banana where male courts female. This is followed by drinks at her place (i.e. the juice you spilled on the counter), and then comes the fun part! He warms her up with a little oral action and finally gets to home base when BAM, he's rejected. Sounds like your everyday dating ritual to me. I mean at least she doesn't eat him like some other species. Although to be honest I wish she would, cause lets not forget, this ritual is happening on my food! It would be nice if it ended there, but lucky for you guys I know what happens next. The female fruit flies are an easy bunch. They'll spend the next few hours doing the same thing with multiple other males, while saving the best till last since he'll be most likely to father the children. Considering the life span comparison it sounds eerily close to the dating life a human female. Date many men, save the best for last (i.e marriage).  


Anyways, my plan to cock block those lil jerks hasn't been going so well. You know the drill, fill a glass with juice, cover it with plastic wrap riddled with tiny holes, and they will enter and never return! Unfortunately I made one hole too big and have essentially been providing them with enough glucose to fuel their frequent romps in my food... Dear god, I have promoted a fruit fly orgy in my very kitchen. Ugh, did I mention I hate fruit flies with their easy females and horny male population? Greedy buggers.


Jessica


Note: Credit for the fruit fly mating behaviour photo to Pearson Education :)

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Humans Who Make Me Angry Vs. Animals Who Make Me Happy

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Hi all,

So lately I have been doing some pretty awesome work and I'm super happy about the whole thing. My days are spent with lil guys like this...



That's Kyle, he is the first lil squirrel I have had the pleasure of caring for :). Now I’m not gonna lie people have always told me working with animals is pointless. People figure if you’re not a vet it’s not worth it. To this day I'm told, “You realize there’s no money in it right?” Yeah I do, thanks. While I’m not na├»ve, and I realize that money can in fact buy a bit of happiness. I do feel that it’s not the most important thing, and if you do I’m quite certain you'll never be fully happy. With the ‘money matters most’ attitude no matter how much you make, it will never be enough. 

Lately some people have been asking, "what are your plans when you're done school/what are you goals in life/how much will you make when you're done" etc. Now to be completely honest I think the people grilling me like this feel their path is monumentally more important than mine. Which makes me laugh. I mean this is the type of person who feels they need to list all their accomplishments to me within the first 5 minutes I've met them. Believe me, no one cares that much, and dominating the conversation while trying to belittle others is not a good way to make friends. All I have to say is be careful. There's this thing called modesty that a lot of others possess, and you may in fact be making a fool of yourself by preaching to someone who knows better.

Point is, people need to stop judging those with different ideas/goals than their own. Money and status are not everything. I'm by no means a hippie, but money hungry status climbers make me nauseous. It just seems we're so quick to find differences in each other, or to prove that we're better or right. When in reality none of that shit even matters if you're not happy. 

So let me answer those questions that some people so desperately need answered in order to categorize me. 

1) What are your plans when you're done school?

- Get a job helping animals and the environment in a way that I feel will make a difference for both myself and future mini me's. Yes I do realize the government is making cuts in those areas, but I also know that with the right combination of confidence, education, and passion it's possible to get paid doing what I love. 

2) What are your goals in life?

- To stay happy and healthy


3) How much will you make when you're done?

- Probably not much, but definitely more than I need to get by. 

So go ahead and place me in whatever category is necessary to make you feel better about yourself, but know this. I am happy right now. I have an incredible guy who loves the shit out of me, two super cute fur babies, amazing friends, and the most recent addition: an incredible job. I spend my days doing something I truly love. Let's be honest, if you know me at all then you realize I kind of like animals better than people. There are a few human exceptions, but I assure you they are few and far between. Obviously this means that a summer filled with animals, especially baby ones, is pretty much my dream. Dream fulfilled. I've been lucky enough to spend my summer helping raise and release some awesome wildlife. So to lighten the mood after my mini rant  here are a few of the reasons my summer has been so great! 

                            Squirrel Burrito :)


Hugs!

Bebe Fox!

Ready to head out!

                                 My lil bunny

Hangin' out


Too cute for words


Disclaimer: No animals were harmed in the making of this blog. Despite the cages they are in fact getting ready to head back out where they belong. 

Jessica




Sunday, June 3, 2012

Sexy Summer Bod?

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Hey all,


So I'm not sure if you know, but I'm kinda getting old...



This comic is true, literally all my friends are getting married, having kids and *gasp* growing up. Ew. I'm still in school and don't have a real job. I hear when you turn 25 you have to start using anti-aging face creams, worrying about what you eat, and working out like a crazy person. Ugh. Sounds terrible.


I've been lucky so far in keeping my young looks, but last week I didn't get ID'ed at the liquor store.  Seriously, the woman didn't even think twice about it! Gasp, does that mean I look over 17 now?! How sad.


As a result of this depressing realization I have decided to start working out. I bought some weights, a pair of Lulu's and signed myself up for an 8-week workout program. I looked the part, so the rest was bound to be easy right? Not so much, all I have to say is "Dear god, why is working out so damn hard?" I am sooo out of shape. No seriously you guys, science tells me humans were built for endurance but if that's the case, I may not be human... It's so bad that I am forced to work out in my living room to avoid the embarrassment of my terrible ability to do ANY kind of work out.


Of course I am with the most athletic guy I have ever met. Run to the other end of the city? Bang out a few back flips? Continue with some bboy sets? No problem, he's all over that shit. I give myself 2 weeks to be at the same level. Should be a cinch!




JESSICA