Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The Dreaded UDI

Hey all,

So its no secret that I like to throw back 1 or 2 vodka waters every now and then, 8 or 9 if its been a hard week, or on a special occasion. As it was a Saturday night it was most definitely a special occasion which prompted me to amp up my night and make it a very special 10 vodka water night. Yes, 10. Surprisingly enough I made it out unscathed, little to no embarassement, zero fights with the boyfriend, and spent the majority of the evening dancing the night away. All the components of an extremely good night according to this beautifull girl's standards.

At least thats what I thought until I woke up the next day, hopped in the shower and saw this lovely thing on my leg...

Yup, the dreaded UDI. Being that my blog audience is about my age im guessing you all know what a UDI is, but for the rest of you lovelies I offer you this short explanation.

Unidentified Drunken Injury (UDI): A bruise, cut, scratch, or any other physical injury discovered the morning after a night out for which you have no explanation. This lack of explanation is often due to the all too familiar alcohol haze.

Being the control freak that I am I couldn't deal with the fact that I had been completely oblivious to such an aggressive violation of my body. Please spare me the sexual jokes, I am aware of how that sounds...And believe it or not I am not exaggerating! This bruise literally goes from above my ankle all the way up to the top  of my thigh (the picture doesn't quite capture the true horror of it all, just the major damage point).

This lack of explanation was really getting to me so I invoked the talents of my childhood friend Nancy Drew and began my quest for the truth. The size and shape of the most prominent part of the bruise clearly indicated  a circular object had caused this blunt trauma. Its quick and extensive spreading indicated a high impact strike, or multiple traumas (a theory I quickly threw out as there is clearly one single impact point). So now that I was aware of the nature of the injury I replayed the night in my head only to instantly remember being fallen on by an overly drunken lush. Now to be clear, I normally don't throw around this word so casually. Therefore, it must be mentioned that I use this label in response to previous interactions with said female and not solely due to the injury sustained by her ridiculous state. A state in which she finds her self more often than not by the way.

Anyways enough about her this blog is about me, and being that bloggers are known to be intrinsically self-absorbed I'd like to keep it that way. Although I don't normally relate to this specific stereotype, when I am hurt I want people to feel bad for me. That might be a direct contradiction...whatever this its turning into a huge tangent...I apologize.

Getting back on track. I now distinctly remember this girl dancing up on a stage, or a chair, or something lushy like that, and completely wiping out while kicking the back of my leg with her very appropriate huge boots. Obviously I was too busy busting a move with the super sexy guy who was clearly into me, in other words, dancing with my boyfriend, to even notice the pain. And so it was in that moment that the infamous UDI came to be.

Yup, after all that build up and investigation, that's it... I was kicked by a lush with hooker boots.

For those of you worried about my physical well being, although I limped a bit (maybe a slight exaggeration on my part) and it still hurts, it is healing well and I am no longer terrified that I will get a blood clot, or deep vein thrombosis when I fly. Great progress!